You Aren't Batman

So this morning when I was at the office "doing work" (i.e. Staring out the window or at Lois' rack), Jimmy brought a news article to my attention. At first I thought this had something to do with actual work, seeing as I'm a reporter or something, so I instantly asked Jimmy to shove off and go get bent, and other such terms of endearment. Then, like twenty minutes later, I was bored and my eyes happened to fall on this aforementioned article, which you can find here (Idiot does Stupid Things). Immediately  I was engrossed by how stupid this idiot looked:

At first I figured it was some jackass that Bruce found and slapped a mask on in an attempt to make him his new ward or whatever the fuck he calls it. Then I realized he was too old for Bruce (snap!). Using my incredible detective skills lead me to believe that this man was indeed an actual real life idiot. Now kids, being a super hero is fun, easy, and gets you laid like the quarterback on prom night after he saves the planet from Mongul. However, if you don't have the ability to like shoot lasers from your eyes while getting shot with a cannon and throwing a mountain at someone, then I wouldn't recommend it. Not because it's unsafe, not because you'd make my 'job' a million times easier, but because you'd steal a large percentage of my heroing pussy.

Seriously though, don't fight crime. I don't want to get stuck with Aquaman's sloppy seconds... again...