The Day After St Patrick's Day Day

So as I sit here at my desk at the Daily Planet I can't help but stare at my mortal co-workers and think about how stupid they are. I mean, just yesterday Lois jammed the copier, and Jimmy tried to fix it with fucking red kryptonite. Then Perry had a heart attack... fucking idiot. I had to turn into Superman to fix all that shit... I mean, will it kill you to hire some fucking IT guys? Sometimes I think that I'm on some sort of hidden camera show, but no one here is that clever... and by here I mean all of Metropolis. Now, on any given work day, I have this thought about once every hour. Today I can't stop thinking that. 

 Ladies and Gentlemen, these people have won Pulitzers...

Why today you ask? Why is it that on this Friday in March do I have less of an opinion for my co-workers than I do on any other day? Well, I finally have had enough of retarded Earth holidays. St. Patrick's Day? I don't need another reason to drink, or any reason to drink for that matter. Also what the fuck is a St. Patrick? Jimmy tried to explain it to me, but A) I wasn't listening and B) I never cared in the first place. However, I did convince him to get really drunk which was a hoot and a half. You ever see a ginger kid barf pure green? Reminded me of krypton. I'm pretty sure I puke green, but its been like 200000 years since I last puked. Anyway, Earthlings like to celebrate stupid shit. Whether it leprechauns (fuck that) or egg laying giant rabbits, you give them a reason to buy greeting cards and they go ape shit.

The punchline of an elaborate present getting scheme backfires

I've tried to enjoy your Earth holidays, I truly have but honestly, a good majority of them are lame as shit. Where's your Kick the Village Idiot Day? Where's your Titty Love Day? I mean, these are Kryptonian staples... Fuck this Earth Day, Flag Day, Love Day bullshit... wake me up when they make Spring Break an official holiday. Until then, Supes out!

That's right biddies, this way to the bikini contest