Sorry I've been absent from the blog-o-sphere for so long guys. Just kidding, I'm not sorry at all... in fact I don't even know if Kryptonians can feel the emotions involved with feeling sorry... fuck am I a robot again? Sonofa....
Believe it or not, this shit has happened more than once...
ANYWAY, as you may or may not know, life in the world of Kal has been fucking cray-cray as of late. I blew up the moon, replaced it with a super moon, and then I had to get the Fortress of Solitude fumigated for termites (ice mites?). So for the last few days I've been crashing at the JLA Watchtower aka the place I bring hot chicks I'm going to bang out when I want to make every other JLAer jealous. Up side of being at the watchtower is that I can constantly pester Aquaman into getting those T-Shirts made. The down side is pretty much everything else. The biggest bone I have with this place is the internet. Seriously, it's fucking 2011 and the Watchtower still has a dial-up connection? WTF?
Note, no where does it mention cable internet
As of right now I'm hovering about 100 feet above Wayne Manor, leeching Bruce's dope-ass connection with my kPad (Kryptonite iPad, this shit has Java and that's like the least cool thing about it). For about the last twenty minutes Bruce and his old man slave Alfie have been shooting a .22 hunting rifle at me. I don't know if they're missing on purpose, but they're both terrible fucking shots. I mean, 1) I'm not even moving and 2) I have a giant fucking bullseye on my chest in the shape of an S. Oh that's right, Batsy is too much of a woman to fire a gun. It would be like me being afraid of planets exploding because that's what killed my parents. Fuck that. I fear nothing.
Yeah, when this is a normal day, I really have stopped fearing anything
Anyway, going back to the fortress of solitude... or as I like to call it FoS. Some of you may not know this, but I have a fucking zoo in that bitch. All of these animals and freaky alien shits that are all the last of their kind. It looks like I'm being a really great guy, savings these animals and all that. Now don't get me wrong, the Super Menagerie has gotten me access to some pretty exclusive animals (*wink*), but I'm most definitely not doing it out of the kindness of my heart. No sir, don't get me confused with that PETA drop-out Animal Man. That dude falls into the category of: 'psychos who wear sunglasses at all times to appear less psycho'.
I take my last pic comment back, this guy fucking creeps me out
Hell no, I store those animals in there for three reasons:
1) Like I mentioned before, he helps me bang those dumb chicks who like birds and flowers and shit.
2) Hey, maybe I like to look at animals (aka watch them fuck, HILARIOUS! instant youtube gold)
3) I have eaten more species of animals than you will ever know exist.
Mmmmmm.... mini dinosaurs
That's right folks, I have eaten at least one of every animal I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure being a living Arc has granted me these special abilities... or at least super fire shits. LOL. Whoops, looks like Batsy is breaking out the kryptonite laced rounds. Catch ya later!
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