So today is Mother's Day, whatever the fuck that means. On Krypton we didn't have any bullshit greeting card holidays (well, besides Krypton Day, Cape Day, Cake Day, and Cake Day II). Despite never celebrating this holiday until I crash landed on this dump about 75 years ago, I've come to garner a certain appreciation for it. I realize my mom is dead, as well as everyone else from my home planet (more or less), but she was pretty bad ass. I mean, she let my Dad put her only son in an experimental rocket to send him to a planet that may/may not even exist... wait, that sounds like terrible parenting...
Mom slapping a ho, Dad approves
First off, nothing gets the ladies more willing to bang your alien brains out than telling them (albiet super cool-like) that your mom is dead. Usually this shit works like 80% of the time, but on Mother's Day this line reaches Kryptonian strength. Combine that with the fact that I'm handsome as shit, and its a done deal.
Yeah right, like I was even trying to break those chains... women
Secondly, it gives me a chance to burn Brucey boy. See, where I'm 100% over my Mom, Bruce still wakes up in puddles of his own man fluids (all of them) after having nightmares about 'ol Martha Wayne. Every time he knocks around a Joker in a joker mask, or slaps Robin, Batsy is thinking about how much he misses Mommy. I mean, I suppose I could time travel and bring her back to life. Maybe next year, for like a day... hmmm, better yet, I wonder what Martian Manhunter is doing today, I could use his shape-shifting antics. Anyhoo, have a Super Mother's Day ya'll, and don't forget, Moms love booze just as much as yours truly.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY BRUCE!
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