So, unless you live in a cave (and aren't Batman) you probably know that Osama Bin Laden is dead. Actually, there are probably a lot of people living in caves who know this shit... fuck that was a terrible analogy. I'll blame Jimmy for that one. Anyway, so remember last week when I renounced my citizenship? That was so I could sneak int Pakistan, tell everyone that I wasn't a narc, then find out where that bearded motherfucker was hiding. Boom, a week later and guess what? Special forces move in and plus that son of a bitch. You know why it took 10 years? They've had Batman on the case. That's right, the guy who's afraid of bullets and doesn't like killing people. What a puss. Oh yeah, he also doesn't have x-ray vision, which makes me one million times better at finding anything, terrorists included.
I taught him everything he knows
So my boy Obama and I partied pretty fucking hard, but then we realized two things. One, we may be out of a job with the biggest terrorist butthole finally toast, and Two we may or may not have created a villain black hole that will only be filled with another villain of equal or greater villainocity. So I came up with a quick list of possible new threats, whilst comparing them to other villainous threats.
He'll be stealing 40 pies in no time...
Donald Trump (Lex Luthor): Let's face it, this one has been brewing for a long time. Obviously, I've had many a run in with the bald spoiled brat Lex, so I know a thing or two about fucking crazy, egotistical millionaires. Much like Lex being jealous of everything that is me (my powers, my muscles, my monstrous krytponian dong, my hair), Trump is jealous of Obama (his seat of power, his smooth voice, his monstrous human dong, his hair). Trump loves gold, hates immigrants, and demands to see hero's birth certificates. This leaves him one suit of power armor away from literally being Lex. I should probably punch his dumb ass out right now.
This isn't photoshopped... at all
Kim Jong Il (Dr. Light): Don't know how Dr. Light is? Good. He was this douche of a villain with the power to control light. More or less a Green Lantern without the jewelry and greenness. Not that powerful, not that smart, but he was one sick mother. Basically he liked to get a little too hands-on with female prisoners and heroes. So what did we do? We got our good friend Zatanna to erase his brain. Then when he remembered it all, Specter turned him into a giant candle and melted his ass (I'm serious). Anyway, he reminds me of Kimmy boy. First off, both these guys are crazy as fuck and think that they're the bomb. They both wear jump suits all the time too. Hell, Kim Jong Il claims to only hit hole-in-ones in golf, having played only a handful of times. Much like Dr. Light claiming to have touched Wonder Woman's no-no spot having never actually fought her. Okay Kimmy, keep bragging like that and we'll erase your brain too.
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