Earth; its the Tits

Huzzah! Another guest email! Aquaman is really earning those 'gold coins' I've been giving him for sifting through all of my fan mail. That idiot likes to feel important, I guess that's what happens when you're the king of a kingdom that no one gives a fuck about. Haha. Anyway, onto the fan mail!:

Dear Superman,

So, like, being an alien must be really suck.

-A FAN

Really suck? What the fuck does that even mean? I'm not even from this planet, yet I have managed to learn pretty much all of its languages in only like, 30 years. No wonder you didn't even leave your name, you're an embarrassment to the entire race of 'non aliens' aka Earthlings. But, I digress, not all of you can be even remotely as Super as me, HA!

Bruce, showing how much of a pussy he is. Imma kick the shit out of this Earth rat.

To answer your question, no, it is not 'really suck'. Its actually really sweet. Imagine if you didn't have to do shit to be great. Like, literally I woke up and could throw cars around and blast people with punches like atom bombs. All because of Earth's sun being a million times better than whatever Krypton must've had. Such luck eh? Oh yeah, I also look exactly like human beings... well let's just say not entirely (I'm ALL super if you know what I mean).  I'm like the intergalactic king of Earth, who also just happens to look like Earthlings, pretty sweet deal (and I'm just saying that, I'm definetly not planning to take over once Batman dies *wink*).

 Couldn't do that shit on Krypton. Hand midgets are an 'Earth Only' power

Why do you think I'm still here? You think I like having to, occasionally, deal with Earth getting destroyed. Honestly, I really don't care. However, I DO enjoy several things that are Earth specific. My 'parts' match up with Earth chicks, booze is pretty legit, and, oh yeah the aforementioned part about the sun giving me diesel ass kicking powers. You heard it from me: Being an alien, is not suck.